my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
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