cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
