textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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