He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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