I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
