I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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