I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
