i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
