If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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