So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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