I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
