the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My bed smells like the plague
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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