Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found puke in my bra..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
