she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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