So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
