I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
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