I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
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