So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
