I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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