Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god it's open bar.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
