im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
