Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
