I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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