Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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