I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
