Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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