dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
