good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
