I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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