I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
