I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
