I skipped work to stalk him.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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