the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
