Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
