That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
