dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
