I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
