Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
