the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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