You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
