i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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