Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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