....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
