Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
