I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
