i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
