Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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