I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
