so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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