I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
