No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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