I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
