im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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