return my video game
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
