kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
