last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
