"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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