what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
