Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
