I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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