did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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