Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
