I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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