I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
