My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
