butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
