grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When are your genitals available?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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