the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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