your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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