yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
