Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
