so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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