So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
