someone owes me an orgasm
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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