i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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