The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
