Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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