my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
